


The End of an Era (And the Start of a New)

by saucysonnett



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:03:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22182601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucysonnett/pseuds/saucysonnett
Summary: Sonnett gets traded to Orlando. And is wrecked.
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 8
Kudos: 93





	1. The End

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time doing this so hopefully it’s okay. Sorry if it’s cringey!! Will be a part 2 don’t worry. Sorry in advance for any sadness.

Emily awakens to her alarm going off at 7 and it’s moments like these that she wishes she had a normal life. She wishes she was an accountant, a teacher, or a lawyer. Okay, maybe not a lawyer but she wishes she had a job where she could sleep in all day and lounge around and forget what day it is between Christmas and New Years. Instead, she slips out of her pajamas and rummages through her dresser for some clothes for her run. She decides on the first things she sees—a pair of black Thorns shorts and an old gray Virginia tshirt. 

She pops in her airpods and hits shuffle on one of her playlists and heads down out of her apartment. As soon as she starts getting into a rhythm, her thoughts start reeling. With camp coming up, she is nervous. She thinks of how Kelley will be back, and though she loves Kelley, she knows that she will likely slide back into a place on the bench. But she doesn’t want that—she wants to play and be good enough to hold the backline strong in qualifiers. She needs to prove that she is good enough for the Olympics this time around. Yet all she can think about is how she fell short last time. 

Before she realizes it, she’s 3 miles away from her apartment, though she only planned on going for a 4 mile run. She realizes that she’s probably going to be late to her session with Jane, so she stops to send her a text. She can’t afford to miss a day training, but she promises herself she’ll go out to a field later in the afternoon and kick around a bit, so she cancels with Jane. She then turns around and starts her run back home. 

———

Once she gets back to her apartment, she quickly showers and then makes herself a smoothie and sits down. She responds to some messages and when she’s finished with her smoothie, gets ready to take Bagel for a walk. 

———

Once she’s back home again, she turns on Netflix to watch the second season of You since it’s out. She’s settled in under her blankets, yet she isn’t able to get fully comfortable. 

She wishes she had someone there cuddled up beside her, someone to keep her warm. She wishes she was in Portland, curled up under Lindsey’s protective arms—where she feels most safe, most  _ herself _ . 

And then it hits her again—Lindsey’s not here, Lindsey’s in Hawaii, with Russell. Although she’d never admit it to anyone, she has a photo album devoted to Lindsey on her phone. When she misses her she scrolls through the pictures of them. She clicks on the album but before she gets to any photos, she sees a name pop up on her phone. 

  
  


Gavin Wilkinson.

Why, Emily thinks to herself, is the Thorns GM calling me on December 27? She gulps, this can’t be good. Her stomach drops. She tries to take a deep breath, but hurriedly accepts the call, answering with a shaky “hello?” that she can barely get out. 

“Emily? Hello, it’s Gavin, the Thorns GM. I hope you’ve had a good Christmas and are enjoying the holiday season. We have some news to give you. First of all, we want to thank you for your professionalism and giving your all to this club”

Emily’s head begins to spin and she pinches herself in the cheek to make sure this is real life and not some cruel nightmare. She realizes that her cheek is wet and that tears are falling from her eyes. She vaguely hears Gavin, hearing only snippets.

_ Ultimately decided to part ways. _

_ Orlando. _

_ Caitlin. _

_ We just want new things here. _

_ Thank you. _

She doesn’t even realize that Gavin asked her a question for a couple of seconds, until her thoughts quiet and she doesn’t hear him talking anymore. “I-I’m sorry, did you ask me something?” She croaks out, her throat feeling drier than the 90th minute of a game in Houston. They exchange a few words and when the call is over, her screen returns to the photo of Lindsey and her doing their handshake in their last home game of the season. 

And then it hits her. That was her last game at Providence Park. At least in a Thorns kit. Playing with Lindsey. With Cait. Ellie. Sinc. Tobs. AD….

  
  


Emily pauses the TV, realizing sh’s missed everything that happened in the 5 episodes that have played. She locks her phone. And throws it across the room. It rattles against the coffee table.

She isn’t quite sure what to do. She feels like she should cry but the tears have stopped coming. She furrows into her blankets and sits there numb. 

All she really wants is for Lindsey to be there beside her. Lindsey.

Then it really hits her. Lindsey won’t be there beside her anymore. She won’t wake up with Lindsey in the room beside her (and occasionally in the bed beside her). She won’t have her bus buddy, her coffee date, her handshake partner. 

All she desperately wants to do is call her. But she knows in Hawaii it’s like 7am still and Lindsey is busy with her Rush stuff and with  _ him.  _ She realizes that she probably hasn’t passed through Lindsey’s mind at all since she’s been in Hawaii.

——-

Lindsey wakes up to a room by herself. She realizes Russell probably went out for a run and the dent way on the other side of the bed looks so big. 

She tries to stop the thoughts before they come but she can’t help but think of waking up here, in Hawaii, with Sonnett curled up beside her. They would wake up, get some coffee, go for a walk on the beach. 

Instead she wakes up here, alone. With Emily in a different time zone, a different mind zone.

She hasn’t talked to her since she’s been in Hawaii. No FaceTime, no calls, not even any texts or snaps. She can’t even call to mind how many times she’s pulled up her text thread with her to go to text her about something, but exed out, not wanting to annoy her friend. 

And so that’s that. She’s here in Hawaii with her boyfriend for the club that she grew up with. The club that she loves. It’s the vacation of a dream.

Or at least, it should be.

——

So Sonnett lays there, with Lindsey’s contact up on her newly cracked phone—and doesn’t call her. 

She knows she should tell someone. Her mom? Emma? Kelley? She really doesn’t want to talk about this with anyone—especially not someone who’s not Lindsey. 

So she decides not to tell anyone. At least not yet.

———

She goes about her day by distracting herself. She meets up with Emma and goes to dinner with her. She takes Bagel to meet her younger cousins. She is smiley, laughing, her usually Sonny cheery self, cracking jokes and making everyone in the room laugh too. 

But it’s all a facade. When she returns to her apartment at 11 that night, she crumbles. She pulls on a pair of white Thorns shorts and only after they’re on does she realize the #10 on them. She pulls on the red adidas hoodie that Lindsey “accidentally” left in their apartment in Portland in November. 

Their apartment in Portland. 

Portland.

Emily doesn’t fall asleep until 3am, head pounding from crying. 

——

Her alarm screeches at 7. She turns it off and rolls over. She doesn’t wake up until 11, to a phone call from Jane.

Damn it. Training. 

Emily doesn’t answer. She lets it ring and sends a text instead.

**Emily: ** Hey sorry i overslept-feeling sick and decided to stay in and hopefully get over it! Training tomorrow? 

**Jane: ** No worries bud-feel better see you tomorrow to whip ya back into shape 🤙

——-

She spends the day holed up in her room. She knows she shouldn’t but she can’t pull herself out of bed. She thinks of camp in a week and doesn’t know how she’ll put on a front that everything is fine, good. She doesn’t know how she’ll be herself.

She doesn’t eat anything all day. No one texts her except Emma about Bagel. Everyone is invested in their own lives, their families, the holidays, Hawaii, their boyfriends. 

Emily doesn’t really mind. She doesn’t want to talk about it. She doesn’t want to think about it. 

But she can’t help it. So she goes on a rabbit hole on Instagram, looking through the Thorns account, Lindsey’s account. She often finds herself on Lindsey’s page, but this time it’s different. 

She scrolls down to January 15, 2016. She sees Lindsey smiling back at her, holding the Thorns scarf—just like the one she also posted that day. She can’t fathom how that was almost 4 years ago. 

She scrolls to May 10, 2016. The first picture Lindsey posted of them together in Portland. They went to the Trailblazers game with some of their teammates. 

And then the next post—on May 15. One for adidas. Lindsey’s caption says: “meet me and my favorite little Sonnyyy….” And that’s when the tears start rolling down her face. 

She sees the pictures from Rio. And the pain cuts deeper. She realizes just how important making the Olympic roster is now—she needs that time with Lindsey. She doesn’t think she’ll be able to breathe if she doesn’t. 

The photos continue. Arms around each other’s shoulders. Weddings. Handshakes. Emily’s birthday post 2016. Her dancing-Lindsey laughing. Another blazers game. Flirty captions. Concerts. Ads together. Banquets. “Dasani.” Smiley Thorns. “Best friends 🤗” Winning the championship in 2017. “Still on a high” Happy at camp: “Very smiley when Dasani comes back from Ausi and we get to play some footy” Laughing with each other in the Thorns starting XI: 🌹👏🏻😏 w/Dasani…” after we played Australia: “Dasani, Rasco, and the incredible egg poacher/toast burner 🌹 #thornies “ them and their moms after a Thorns game: Hot mamas and sweaty llamas” them looking at each other with coffee. Lindsey in her the Great Horan shirt x2. Soft smiles in Portugal, Lindsey resting her head on Emily’s shoulder. Emily being double punched in the face by Sheridan with Lindsey photoshopped in laughing in the background: “Some of my favorite memories of 2018…” Hulu has live sports ad— Emily and Lindsey next to each other. Emily, Lindsey, and Abby leaning into each other at GMA. Another Hulu ad—Kelley and Lindsey being the “TV” that Sonnett’s on. Celebrating the World Cup they won together. Sonnett throwing confetti on an overjoyed Lindsey postgame. Adidas pictures. ESPYs together. Their reception back in Portland: “home sweet home”

She then goes through her own. And then Lindsey’s Twitter. And then she finds herself back in her camera roll, clicking on the album labeled “Home.” Portland.

  
  


Home no more. 

——-

Emily decides that she must get on with it. She must man up and accept it. Accept that her life has become this living nightmare that she can’t wake up from. 

On December 29th, she talks to Cait on the phone about it. 

On December 30th, she tells Emma, her mom, her dad. 

On December 31st, though she knows she has camp in 6 days and shouldn’t, she gets ripshit drunk with some of her childhood friends. 

On January 1st, she enters the new year, the new decade, with a massive hangover and very little hope for the future. Lindsey tweets out a reaction to the Arsenal game—a gif of Sonnett. Sonnett likes it. 

The next few days are filled with runs in the morning, sulking throughout the day, and practicing how she’ll break the news to Lindsey. 

She’s decided to tell Lindsey on January 4th, when they arrive at camp. She’ll figure out how to tell the others after. 

——

As the day approaches, Lindsey is all that occupies her thoughts. Though that’s not necessarily new, it’s different. She knows she should be thinking of camp, of her plans for Orlando, but all she can think about is how different her life will be now.

And she hates it.

She packs for camp. She overthinks everything. Should she bring Thorns stuff? Should she pack Lindsey’s hoodie? Should she bring the jeans that Lindsey always compliments her on? 

She decides to wear a black Portland shirt to travel in. As Emma drops her off at the airport, she regrets it but doesn’t change. Emma gives her sister a big hug and wishes her luck. “Text me, call me whenever. You are so strong but know it’s okay to not be okay. Crush it on the field. I love you seester.”

Though it’s only an hour and a half long, it’s the longest flight of Emily’s life. 

——-

Lindsey is excited for camp. As she waits to board her flight, she sends out a message to Sonnett. The first contact since that tweet on December 1.

**Lindsey: ** i can’t wait to see you soon sonny girl 🤗🌹 

**Emily** : see ya soon :)

——-

  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Another End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Em, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
> 
> Normally, she’d love to hear those words—she’s always longed for them, really. She just wants to mean as much to Lindsey as she does to her. 
> 
> But now—now that she won’t always be able to be there for her, now that she’ll be 3,039 miles away from her—she wishes Lindsey never said that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is gonna have more than 2 chapters haha oops

When Emily finally gets to the hotel, it’s almost dinner time. She’d normally ask Rose, Mal, Sam, and Lindsey to get dinner together. She’d normally be excited to make them a fun plan for the night—look at the reviews for local restaurants and find the one that’s Just Right for them. But it’s not normal, not anymore. 

She’s not sure she has the emotional energy and composure to joke around with them, especially not if Lindsey’s with them. But she knows she can’t ignore Lindsey. She knows she has to tell her, before it’s announced. She knows that Lindsey pays attention to that stuff—the news around the league, twitter, etc. Lindsey can’t find out from twitter. She knows, she knows, but she’s not sure she can look Lindsey in the eye and tell her that she won’t be there beside her anymore. 

But she also knows she has to stay composed—she can’t have Lindsey worrying about her, especially not in the last camp before qualifying. And she knows she herself has to focus. She almost forgot that she has to train tomorrow. She needs to get dialed in. 

That’s why she almost decides not to tell Lindsey yet. She doesn’t want to distract Lindsey, she doesn’t want Lindsey—

Emily’s knocked out of her thoughts by a gentle rap on her door. She almost thinks she’s imagining it until she hears the knock a second time a few seconds later, a bit more firm this time. She recognizes the pattern—she would recognize it in her dreams—the 4 knocks, 2 quick, a pause, 2 quick. She used to make fun of Lindsey for it, until she realized that she didn’t do it for anyone else. 

She hears the knock for the third time and then Lindsey’s voice: “Are you gonna let me in or are you dead in there?” 

Emily snaps out of it and gets up to let her in. When she does, the first thing she notices is how tan Lindsey is. Hawaii did her well. The second is how sunken her face looks. 

“What’s up Linds?” 

All she wants to do is wrap her into a hug, but she’s not sure how appropriate that’d be. 

“Can we sit down? I wanna talk to you about something.”

Emily is confused. Isn’t she supposed to be the one saying this? What could Lindsey possibly tell her? Is she being traded too? Or worse, did she find out about the trade herself? She doesn’t think it’s been announced, but she’s not so sure since she deleted her twitter and instagram a couple days after the trade—especially since she found herself on Lindsey’s pages an unhealthy amount. 

“Em? Are you okay?” Emily realizes she’s been frozen in the doorway, blocking any path Lindsey has into the room. 

By the time she comes to her senses, she turns around and makes way to her bed. She’s sure to plop down on her bed first, so that she doesn’t have to make the awkward decision of how close they sit next to each other.

Lindsey seems to have no problem though—she walks over and settles in right next to Emily, lays down with her legs out in front of her. She opens up her arms for the smaller girl. “C’mere. I missed you.”

Emily nestles into her arms. Her nervousness starts to fade, she feels so right like this, enveloped in Lindsey’s arms. 

“Em.” 

Emily’s stomach starts to flip flop again— her thoughts pingponging in every direction. 

But then Lindsey starts to gently circle her hand on Emily’s side. Emily is sure she can feel her anxiety.

“Yeah?” she croaks out—barely able to conceal the fear in her voice.

“Russell…”

As soon as that name comes out of Lindsey’s mouth, Emily stiffens up. Lindsey never talks to Emily about him. 

“...proposed to me on the beach in Hawaii.”

Emily tries to be slick about all of this but in reality she bolts upright and out of Lindsey’s arms. She looks immediately to her left hand and doesn’t see a ring.

“Linds that’s...really great! Co-congrats...where’s the ring?”

She can barely get it out. It lies flat. She curses herself for not being able to work up enough enthusiasm to congratulate her best friend on getting engaged.

“Em…” Lindsey whispers.

Emily looks up and sees Lindsey’s face—the tears start to dot her tanned cheeks and Emily curses herself again for not being more aware. 

She said no.

Emily brushes her thumb across Lindsey’s cheeks to wipe the tears. She takes her face into her hands. She knows not to ask her how she is or for details, deciding to just lay back down and hold her in her arms. 

She feels so small—too small for this. Too insignificant for this. 

They lay like that for a while—Lindsey’s sobs escalating into near hysterics for a couple minutes and then evening into more gentle whimpers. Emily gently runs her fingers through Lindsey’s hair, “it’s okay Linds, it’s okay.” 

After a while, Lindsey turns over.

“I feel so stupid for being so upset. I didn’t even like him that much. Sure he’s a great coach and stuff but he never really felt comfortable to be around. I never really wanted to be with him, just me and him. It shouldn’t hurt like this, right?”

Emily hates seeing Lindsey upset. She would do almost anything to never see her like this. But she knows she has to do something.

“Linds. You’re not stupid—you’re allowed to be upset. These feelings are okay. You’re okay.”

“Em, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Normally, she’d love to hear those words—she’s always longed for them, really. She just wants to mean as much to Lindsey as she does to her. 

But now—now that she won’t always be able to be there for her, now that she’ll be 3,039 miles away from her—she wishes Lindsey never said that. 

For now, Emily decides to put the whole trade business on hold. All that matters right now is Lindsey.

“Linds, all I want is for you to be happy.”

And Lindsey starts crying all over again, though Emily’s not really sure why. Lindsey takes Emily in her arms again and she just holds on to her, for a long long time. 

——

She just wants Emily to stay there with her forever. Really, she wants to tell Emily that when Russell proposed to her, the first thing she thought of was her. 

But how is she supposed to explain to her friend that she feels more comfortable around her than her boyfriend? How does it make sense that if she had the choice—she would choose Emily every time?

She wishes she could work up the courage to tell her any of it, but for now she just enjoys Emily’s small body against hers. She smells her familiar vanilla shampoo and she can’t help herself—she takes her hair out of its messy bun and finds comfort in letting her hands run through them.

When she thinks Emily has fallen asleep, she gently brushes her lips against the top of her head. 

Before long, Lindsey has fallen asleep too. 

———-

Emily wakes to a completely dark hotel room—one without Lindsey too.

She’s starving, realizing she never ate dinner. She rolls over to grab her phone and realizes it’s 8pm. The first message on her phone is from Lindsey.

Lindsey: Hey em, thanks for everything. You’re the best ever, really. I left because if I hadn’t, we would’ve had Rose making fun of us all camp. Lemme know when you wake up?  
Emily: no worries Linds, you okay? do you need anything?? 

Lindsey doesn’t answer for a couple minutes and Emily sits with her phone open to the thread until she sees the three dots appear on the screen. She realizes how pathetic she is, but she also realizes she can’t breathe right when she knows Lindsey’s upset. 

Lindsey: Yeah, I will be. Wanna grab a quick dinner with Rose and Sam?? There’s a small place right around the corner  
Emily: sure, be in your room in 5.

Emily doesn’t want to get out of bed. Doesn’t want to face her friends, doesn’t want to carry around this stupid secret anymore. 

She waits two more minutes in bed, procrastinating getting ready for as long as possible.

When she gets up, she pulls the first hoodie she sees on over her head, slips into a pair of Adidas slides, and quickly splashes some water on her face in hopes of masking the bags that have developed under her eyes over the past couple weeks. 

As she looks into the mirror, she realizes she’s wearing a Thorns hoodie, but she doesn’t have time to change even if she wanted because she’s hears The Knock on her door again.

Emily opens the door. “I thought I was meeting you at your room?”

Before anyone answers, Rose and Sam trap her into a hug from both sides. 

“Hello to you too.” 

——

The night actually goes well. At first, Emily felt like she had to force herself to be happy, but after a couple minutes with her friends, she realized she wasn’t faking it anymore. 

Once Emily slips back into her apartment at 9:30, she’s exhausted, though. She quickly slips into shorts and brushes her teeth, as she wants to get as much sleep as possible before the first day of training tomorrow.

She’s beyond grateful that the second bed is empty for the night—Lynn isn’t getting to camp until the morning. She’s glad that Lynn won’t have to hear her constant tossing and turning that night.

But, once alone, Emily’s brain won’t shut off. She knows that she still has to tell Lindsey about everything, but today changed everything. 

She wants to tell her now, get it over with. But it’ll have to wait. 

——-

When Emily’s alarm goes off at 7 the next morning, she’s super glad that Kelley brought the entirety of Starbucks with her to camp, because she only got 5 hours of sleep once she’d actually fallen asleep. 

Emily thinks to herself: todays gonna be a good day. I’ll train hard and I’ll worry about telling Lindsey later. I’ve gotta focus on why I’m here—to make the Olympic roster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 coming....eventually?
> 
> catch me @ lindseyhoeran on twitter if ya want I suppose


End file.
